Him
by SVUlover4015
Summary: And I suppose that the reason I hated him was because when someone you love leaves you, you have to hate them to forget them. because if they dont want you anymore and you still love them, how do you survive? bensler fic xoxo


She never learned how to let go with grace-her heart only ever loved with claws and teeth. Nothing she ever wanted got away whole.

She was known to the bad ass woman of the one six. only she would dare to go head on with a perp loaded with weapons. Only she would want to save the child who hid in the closet every night, hoping not to be the punching bag for the overly drunk father. Her heart had a driven passion to continue each day , thriving to fight for the weak, to make them strong again. She thrived to be strong again, but now she was scattered from a tornado that hit her heart, it hit her, scattering her into a million pieces, being left to pick up pieces she couldn't find anymore.

When her demons dscreamed, he had listened. More than that, he had tried to understand their screams. She had shut him out, and he had ran. No one had ever done that before. No one had ever tried to understand the anatomy of Olivia Benson's mind. They had only ran. She had learned that experience was a brutal teacher, but you learn. She had learned that there were two types of people, those that knocked stuff down, looking at it, and picked it up, and then there was the other type of person who would knock stuff over and walk away.

He had knocked her over and walked away.

1\. He will strip you down raw and ruined. It is your responsibility to pick up the pieces.

-He had stripped her down to the emotions she'd never express. But he had left her to pick up after himself.

2\. She will leave. Everything will burn. There is something so beautiful about rising from the ashes of past life.

-She had left him after he had chosen her, he had chosen her instead of a vic. He has chosen her. And she had left him. He had found someone else, but it wasnt her.

3\. They will always love you. You take for granted the kiss of gratitude she sends to you in late night phone calls. his hair will grey and her heart will wither, do not withhold your thank you's.

-Both of them had come back to each other, but in the end, all her phone calls had been ignored, and she had withered away, eventually giving up, eventually giving up on picking up the pieces. He had left her to fight the demons alone.

4\. You have permission to build yourself around those who stand like stones, they will build you mountains.

-For they had built each other off one another. They had created their own mountain, and they had conquered, but they had fallen.

5\. I have died a thousand times. My blood has shed far too often. You are finally at peace. You may finally move on.

-He had left her and she could now breathe. She couldnt breathe around him, and now she could. She had shed blood for him when he could not. For she had risked everything for him and he had left.

It was a catastrophe loving him. He had a delicate touch that could make the most beautiful flowers grow in you, even when it was winter outside your body. But when he decided he didnt want to keep blooming, hed blame you, that you didnt water them enough, that you didnt give them enough sun and the flowers evetually crumbled up. She supposes the reason she hated him was because when someone you love leaves you, you hate them and get over them. Because if they dont want you anymore and you still love them, how do you survive?

Fuck him. I was everything he wanted because thats how I made myself to be, so that I would be wanted. But turns out you dont know what you want anymore and I am just broken little pieces of you. But damn it, I am going to find myself again and I am going to put myself back together because being wanted by you is nothing compared to being wanted my me.

He had left her with the desk across from hers. With the pictures of his children, his family, one of the both of him. Damn it, he had left her with not even a damn note, phone call, or even a text. He had got up and left her alone. Sometimes you dont get closure, or an explancation as to why. Sometimes all they leave you with is a broken heart and two tattered lungs.

But she was Olivia Benson, and sadness had made her kind.

He had made her special, he didnt have to, but he did. He made her everything. But now, those days are gone, and good fucking riddance to them.


End file.
